Internet dating – searching for the ‘one’


Talking to my girlfriends recently, it seems that September is the dating month.  Wow I thought, great time to join a dating website.  So I joined for a number of reasons 1.  It gets me out of the house 2. I might actually meet someone decent and have some nice clean fun even though there is no chemistry 3.Who knows, I might just meet Mr Right.

I’ve been out of town with no access to email and was keen to find out if I had any correspondence to look forward to.  I’ve been in contact with Mr Giant for about a week (he is over 6ft 5) who seems amiable, says the right things and makes me smile with his emails.  I’ve always dreamt of dating a guy taller than me.  I digress.  As I perused my email, I thought wow ‘an email from a newbie’.  On reading the content of the email errrmmm….I have no words but to publish right here…so here goes

VERY INTERSTED TO WORSHIP YOUR LOVELY BODY
I HOPE YOUr WILL BE INTERESTED AND UP FOR ME
BRINGING YOU TO THE TOP OF HAPPINESS CLOUD AND BEYOND
LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU
I am really not sure how to answer such an email.  I mean perhaps if he can bring me to the top of happiness cloud, I should really give this guy a chance.  I re-read his email again and again shaking my head knowing full well what my response to him would be.  This guy is not looking to date.  If this is his chat up line, his way of attracting women, God help us single ladies!!!!  Based on the above email, I am certainly not keen to find out what he is looking for.  I wish him luck with finding the ‘one’ but it sure ain’t me.

Right time for me to find a gentle way to let down Mr Desperate – he has been chasing me for over a year and I am trying to find a kind way to let him down as my lack of returning his calls doesn’t seemed to have worked.  Wish me luck…over and out!!!

My Wonderful Seista


Its been a while since I graced the corridors of myblogging column.  The last month or so has been hectic with all sorts – I actually can’t remember what exactly I’ve been doing but time has gone by so quickly.   Alas not,it has been hectic with dating antics…far from it.

In fact you could even say that I have been hiding away from men generally.  I’ve been avidly avoiding eye contact with any man who vaguely crossed my path recently and if they happen to look in my direction for any length of time, they get the ‘stare’.  You know the one – that one that says, ‘I am so NOT interested in you’.

I must say, its been strangely liberating not having to think about men generally in the last 6 weeks since I made my vow to give up men and dating men during Lent.  I have thought about all the things I didn’t need to do because believe it or not, dating can be very stressful – yes I know its meant to be pleasurable and fun. The things  I did not have to deal with were;  what am I going to wear, did I wear this last time I saw him,  panicking about wearing the wrong thing on the date,  trying to make small talk while getting to know him, having to explain why you couldn’t return his call last night, wondering if he will contact you after that first date, should I call him now, is it the right time to call him, perhaps if I avoid Mr Seaweed man long enough he will get the message.

The fact is we all need time out away from the  dating  scene from time to time.  Its always a good idea to regroup, rethink your priorities and decide how you wish to move forward.  I’m not sure I am in the right place mentally to start dating anyone at the moment.  I am focussed on other things in my life right now and these things have become a priority.  I must admit that my ‘Seista’ away from dating  means I’ve become lazy.  I really couldn’t be bothered to show even a vague interest in the opposite sex right now.  Now I am sure just as I am starting to enjoy celibacy to its fullest, there will be a rich handsome man who comes along to sweep me off my feet.

So for now, there will be no more dealing with horizontally or vertically challenged men in my horizon.  Just plain ole me having a fab time alone.  I have to say that I am enjoying my moments of being celebate.

Onwards and Forwards

Lena :-)

The Big ‘D’ – what happened next


Ah yes….I forgot to follow-up with how that date went.  Well it went – right out of the window.  The date didn’t happen at all.  24 hours before we were due to meet, my date went AWOL.  Silence, nada, nothing, zip!!! I was frustrated and angry.  What is it with men and being honest?  In this age of technology, how hard is it to send a text message to say ‘Sorry I am not interested’ or ‘Sorry you have bored me to death those last few weeks and I have moved on’ or ‘Sorry, I met a rich cougar who can keep me in the style I am accustomed to’ or simply just say ‘Sorry’.  I’m an intelligent mature woman and I would get that…really I would!!!

In a fit of frustration a couple of weeks later (my membership on the dating website was about to expire), I decided I wouldn’t waste precious money sending him a text message.  I sent him a message on the website instead thanking him for his time and the moments we shared.  However, I am glad that things panned out like they did as I don’t date spineless weak men. Within minutes, he contacted me quite angry at first.  However, he explained that he was about to lose his job and had a few serious family issues going on.  I made it clear to him despite all of this, the least I would expect is a simple apology.  The conversation ended on a good note with him apologising about the way he handled things.

I am proud I stood up for what I believed and made it clear that kind of behaviour was not acceptable.  I understand (like I have said in many previous blogs) that I am not everyone’s cup of tea (wonderful british saying) but I do expect to be treated with a modicum of respect.  I am still not on a dating website and I must say it is rather refreshing not having to read through CV’s …errrmmm….sorry profiles…I meant profiles and inane contact from men who can’t even be bothered to say something intelligent about themselves. So with the Lent season fast approaching, who knows what is on the cards!!!  So my first date for 2012 is yet to happen but watch this space ;-)

Over and out!!!

NP :-)

The one???


Browsing the Facebook (as one does) a former boyfriend posted this.  I must say I was surprised once I started reading his post as during the 6 months we dated, this certainly wasn’t the impression I got.  Yes he was a gentleman, yes he was keen to have kids but that about where it stopped. I’m not sure whether to be pleased that he has metamorphosized into this wonderful ‘marriage material’ guy or pissed that I didn’t get to experience him at his best.   So ladies, if you are looking for ‘The One’, according to my learned ex boyfriend, these are the signs that he is marriage material.  Errrmmm…and if those signs aren’t there,  dump him???
Top signs he’s marriage material and ready to make that ultimate commitment

You’ve met his folks - Nope but I guess it makes sense now

 

If he’s introduced you to his parents and is happy to show you off at family gatherings, you can be pretty sure he’s planning on hanging around. Sharing you with his nearest and dearest is a clear indication that he envisages having you in his life for more than just a short time.

He wants children – Yes he did but I didn’t
When he talks about the future he includes you in his plans and doesn’t flinch when the conversation turns to the topic of children. Tell tale comments such as “I wonder what our children would look like.” And “When I’m a dad…” are a dead giveaway that he’s given the matter thought and is keen to move forward together. Game on!

He’s house trained – Hmmm…he never cooked
A little bit of untidiness and occasional laziness is permissible, but unless you’re planning on living like a 1950’s housewife you don’t want to spend the rest of your life picking up his dirty socks and doing his dishes no matter how much you love him. If your man has a vacuum cleaner and knows how to use it, does the washing-up and knows which day the recycling is collected, you’re on to a winner. If not, he isn’t a lost cause, you might just need to engage in some gentle training.

He treats women with respect - Errrrmmm…that is debatable
The way your man behaves around other women – especially his mother or sister – is a good way of gauging his true character. Next time he’s with his mother, sister or other female friends, watch how he treats them. Does he talk over them, dismiss their ideas and bulldoze them into his way of thinking or is he gentlemanly, chivalrous and respectful at all times? Marriage to someone who doesn’t hold your gender in high regard will be tricky to say the least.

He’s supportive – What a hippocrite!!!
In a crisis situation your man always finds a way to be there for you no matter how busy he is with work or other commitments. In other words, you’re top of his priority list.
Marriage is about being able to support one another in times of uncertainty or emotional unrest. A man who listens to your woes, does the best to understand the situation and offers advice and support when you’re feeling low or going through a rough patch is definitely someone you want to have around.

Your friends and family approve - that would’ve been difficult as they never met him
When it comes to your welfare, close friends and family are harder to please than Strictly Come Dancing judge, Craig Revel Horwood. Their opinion of your man matters a great deal. It’s those closest to you who have your best interests at heart (most of the time at least). If they seem troubled by your latest match, then there could be some cause for concern. If however, they seem to think he’s Mr Wonderful, you should take it as a good sign. They wouldn’t give you their seal of approval unless they were completely convinced he’s a good egg.

He treats you well –  he did bring a bunch of battered flowers on our 1st date in the park
It might sound obvious, but even more important than the way he treats others, is how he treats you. We’re not saying he should put you on a pedestal and shower you with romantic gifts and presents every day – nice as that may sound. We’re talking about how he behaves towards you in public and in private. A bit of bickering and the odd argument are perfectly healthy, but if you start feeling bullied or constantly undermined, it’s time to have a serious think about whether he really is the right one for you.

He’s trustworthy - Was he?  
You need to be able to trust the man you plan to spend the rest of your life with, not just to be loyal and faithful, but also to be honest and frank about other areas of his life including money and work. If he’s lied or concealed things from you in the past, or made promises he doesn’t keep, what’s to stop him doing so again? Marriage is the ultimate promise, so only proceed down the matrimonial path if you’re one hundred percent confident you can trust him. But be cautious, we all have a past and have done things we’re not proud of so don’t judge him based on past form and previous relationships.

He has a sense of responsibility - Hmmm…I’ll pass on that one
This is one of the primary qualities necessary in a husband. A man who doesn’t let you or others down when he knows he’s being relied upon, is a precious commodity. A man who doesn’t come through for you on important matters, and who squanders his cash on nights out on the town instead of saving for a deposit on a flat has a bit of growing up to do before he can be deemed reliable enough for marriage.

He’s pretty sorted – No he wasn’t at the time
Earning megabucks shouldn’t be a pre-requisite, but if you’re planning on getting hitched, a man who’s a grafter not a slacker is an absolute must. A bloke who can show he’s got his act together in terms of where he lives, what he does for a living, how much money he’s got and has plans (that involve you) in place for the future is obviously a far better prospect than one who still lives with his mum, plays on his X-box all day and doesn’t have any savings.

P.S. I did contact him about this post and he reckons it wasn’t copied and pasted from a relationship website.  Nuff said ;-)

Onwards and forwards!!!

NP :-)

V day angst


Ah yes…the most romantic day (according to ancient folklore) of the year is looming fast.  It is that time of year when us singletons avoid the card shops, the V aisle in the supermarket,the radio, the TV, in fact any place on the planet where the V word is clearly visible.  But how can you miss the V word when at the drop of a hat, the V word is used for potentially any commercial that you can possibly imagine from your local DIY shop to buying a car and booking your summer 2012 holiday.

However, no matter how much I have tried to stay away and steadfastly blinded myself to the fast approaching V day, it has been impossible to escape V day. Today while I was out doing my usual weekend rounds, I could not escape the usual V day stuff  from skimpy and sometimes downright grotesque underwear (obviously not if you are that way inclined), pink champagne bottles, romantic meals for £20.00, every single type of soppy card for every kind of V day situation.

On a slightly different tangent but still in the same vein, this morning on my way to the gym I was listening to my favourite radio station.  The DJ in question was ranting on about women having to make ‘the move’ this year for V day because it is a leap year.  Really???  Interesting concept but I stupidly thought that leap year was the opportunity for a woman to ask a man to marry her….I certainly didn’t think it extended to V day but I digress.

So every year, in an attempt to get over my V day angst, I always purchase a bottle of Tattinger and champagne chocolates.  It must paint a sad picture of me sitting on my own on V day drinking champagne and eating chocolates on my own but I figure, if I haven’t got a man to buy those for me, I will damn well treat myself.  Before I leave, I must share an article I read earlier today about a V day and it seems to be the perfect example of ‘How to get out of V day‘ – not!!!!!  After reading this article,  perhaps it ain’t too bad being on my own after all :-)

Here’s to all my single girlfriends out there (you know who you are ).  Happy Valentines day!!!

Onwards and forwards.

NP ;-)

Koa, Non, Jikai, Ôda, Chox, Hapana……..


Yes…apparently, all the words above mean no.  We have all been in a situation where we’ve met a guy or a girl, perhaps he/she had some redeeming qualities which seemed attractive at the time. Or we were just plain drunk and in the cold light of day, realised that we couldn’t possibly date or have a relationship with said person.

So here comes the awkward part – Rejection and by gosh it is a mother!!!  The word ‘no’ in my part of the world means no.  I am sure it means the same thing in other countries but lets focus on England for now :-)  The meaning of the word ‘no’ seems to go beyond the comprehension of some of the men I have dated in the past.  Women being of the ‘fairer sex’ perhaps are viewed as finkle.  As a male friend of mine once said, ‘You women change your mind so much, I don’t know whether I am coming or going’.

However, once you have had that perhaps awkward ‘penny drop’ moment and decided that taking things any further could be detrimental to ‘his‘ health and probably yours too, it is time to cut your losses and move on. So forgive me when I fail to comprehend why is it sooo very very difficult for some men to understand that no means no and not  ’I will change my mind in 24 hrs, days, months, years or nanoseconds’….No actually does mean no.  Any man (or woman) with an inkling of self worth and (of course sane) would accept that once its over, it really is absolutely over.

In the wonderful world of dating, rejection is a mother and sometimes its not so gentle on the ego.  However, we are all adults and when faced with the ‘N’ word, its time to put those grown up panties/pants on and accept that no does mean no. I’ve certainly lost count of the amount of times I have had to say no when trying to extricate myself from a date/relationship/triste gone bad. I guess when you are dealing with a man’s ego, its must be hard to accept that you have been emasculated a little (perhaps).  I am sure likewise (not on a man hating trip), that men are equally faced with the same dilemma.  My point though is that harassing the individual almost to the point of insanity is not the way to ingratiate your way back into their lives.  If anything it has the opposite effect!!!

I’ve been inspired to write this particular blog by a dear friend of mine who has had a tricky time extricating herself from someone who just wouldn’t take no for an answer.  It got me thinking about the time I was faced with a similar situation where this crazy guy who followed and found me on MSN, Facebook, Twitter and any other way that he was able to.  The phone calls and text messages were relentless and didn’t stop until I issued an ultimatum. However, we did get there in the end.

Perhaps its just me but really, no does mean no (in any language) ;-)

Over and out!!!

NP :-)

Quiet time


I’ve been away from blogging for a while, partly because I have managed to injure myself seriously at the gym which made  the use of my fingers a little difficult. So my last date was a bust….complete and utter bust. I asked myself a number of questions.  Why are some men such cowards?  Why is it so hard to say, I’ve changed my mind and really not interested anymore.  I’ve done some introspective thinking and sometimes one’s confidence takes a battering after such events.  After much procrastination, I’ve realised that I need to focus on changing the type of guys I seem to attract.  But where do I start and how do I start to change this?  The internet and Google in particular seem to be the best place to start with my research.  

Keeping with this line of thinking, I was recently reading an online article which said that there are more single folk out there than ever.  This does not surprise me at all as a lot of my friends are single.  Dating websites seem to be profitable businesses during what is difficult times. How come?  Why are we spending so much hard-earned cash on an artificial way of meeting folk instead of the good old fashion way?  Don’t get me wrong, internet dating has its merits and I have nothing against being part of one. However, it did get me thinking that perhaps we have become lazy, shy, indifferent (errrrmmm…someone help me out here as I have run out of words to use!!) or even perhaps too vigorous about finding ‘The One’.

Moving on, I have now achieved one of my New Year’s resolution – to stop using dating websites for 3 months.  I have now ended my membership and removed my account from the last one I joined.  It will be a rather interesting experiment to see how long this lasts before I part with hard-earned cash onto the next internet dating website.  Perhaps I should give up dating for Lent ;-)

Onwards and forwards

NP :-)

 

The Big ‘D’


Tomorrow I finally go on my first date of 2012.  I know I shouldn’t over think it too much after all, its just friends meeting in the hope that there will be that ‘spark’.  However, given what happened on my last date  (see my blog ‘Great Expectations’), I am a little bit cautious.  Cautious about the topics of conversation.  On a date, depending on the character of the person, it can be quite tricky nativigating the do’s and don’t of that very first date particularly  when it comes to the topics one can discuss.  On my last date, I made the mistake of asking my date about what happened in his last relationship.  Lets just say it was a hard lesson to learn but one learnt nonetheless.

I guess there is alot to be said for have a casual date as opposed to formal one where everyone is minding their P’s and Q’.  Nevertheless, I have been making a mental note of the topics I do not want to discuss on the first date….so here goes

  1. Ex’s must not be discussed under any circumstances
  2. No sports – seriously I would go to sleep.  Still having nightmares about that particular date.
  3. No religion
  4. No politics
  5. No sex…and i mean topics about sex not the act ;-)

Now no. 5 might make me sound like a prude but if a guy wants to discuss sex on the first date then he is on the wrong type of date.  After all, the idea of going on a date (at least this type of date) is to meet Mr Right and not Mr Right now. So, bearing in mind that the topics left to discuss are errrrmmm….meagre, I might feel the need to put on my ‘funny’ hat. If the truth be told, I hate those first dates.  The whole concept of ensuring thatyou are making that all important great first impression just does not sit well with me.  Why on earth does dating have to be so very difficult?  I know I have asked this question before in one of my previous blogs.  Sometimes, I look at the older generation and realise how much simpler dating must have been in their time. No technology to get in the way, courting to make a girl feel ever so special.  Maybe that old romantic & idealist  in me wishes for the impossible.

To the first date of 2012, bust or otherwise, lets hope that at least we both have a laugh and walk away as friends if nothing else.

Over and out ;-)

NP :-)

 

Out of your league – Part II


When I wrote the first article, I didn’t anticipate that there would be a seond part to it.  However, I guess it was naive of me to assume that there would not be a further article about the same subject.  After all, I am dealing with human nature and anything is possible.

So, still on my favourite dating website, I’ve been corresponding with a number of men who I hope are single.  I say hope as anyone who has done internet dating, it seems to be the ‘normal’ place for married men to trawl for extra marital affairs with unknowing victims.

Back to the reason I was inspired to write part deux of this topic.  I was contacted by someone who was 1o years my junior.  I know I mentioned his age but that is not the issue here.  I would not date someone who is 10 yrs my junior (maybe I will in 10 years time ;-) )  as we are at different points in our lives in terms of expectation – yes I’ve been there before.  Anyway, I decided to share the conversation with someone who contacted me recently.

Monday at 9:16pm - i am a single man enjoying life, dont have much friends to enjoy it with so if you think you wanna join me feel free. ps. i need female friends not male friends i am not gay lol

 

Monday at 10:27pm – Thank you for contacting me. Personally, I didnt join a dating website to make friends, I can do that down at the gym. Good luck in finding friends.  Adios.

Wednesday at 12:12ami wrote that so i dont sound too pushy on a woman, i am very interested in being more than friends with you, you look attractive and seem like an outspoken woman which is what i am looking for, talk to you soon.

 

No response from me
Today at 5:06pm:  hey baby what do you do on your spear time? lets move to private mail my one is XXXX@hotmail.co.uk. inbox if you want to taste my unique treatment I have prepare for you only……..talk about leaking, touching, to take you to next level!!…… just name it………xxx talk to you soon

1 hour ago – You have me mistaken for someone who cares. You are about to be added to my blocked list. For the record, I have more discerning taste in men. In other words, I am waaaayyyy out of your league. Have a nice life.

What the hell is it about men trying to take me to the next level!!!  Do I seriously look like I need to be on any level at all?  I am seriously happy with my feet on the ground!!!  Now as cutting as my response to him sounded,  I certainly felt it was deserved on this occasion.  His reply and the words he used say so much about him as a person.  I can’t even begin to comment about his last response as I am at a loss why a guy would feel such a response would get him a date.  I am sure there are women out there who are attracted to this type of chat up line but in my world it is a total turn off.

Onwards and forwards ;-)

NP :-)

BTW – Where’s my mannners!!! Happy New Year to all my readers

 

 

The ‘almost’ one that got away


Today has been an interesting one.  I’ve been in contact with a couple of gents/guys/men from the dating website.  I have  3 phone numbers – all three guys asking me to contact them and I have exchanged text messages with one of them – Mr Giant II.

Mr Giant II seems vaguely interesting.  Ok, perhaps not vaguely – very interesting.  Tall…yes I mean TALL.  He is 6ft 5ins and as I type this blog I am trying hard not to remember that date in my blog  ‘great expectations. If you have been reading my blogs or know me personally,  I don’t need to explain that I have a thing for TALL guys.  There is something so mesmerising about staring up into someone’s…sorry a guy’s eyes.

I decided that today would be the day to call Mr Giant II.  He seem so serious in his photo but I like his profile – there’s gotta be character behind the photo, profile and the few text messages we have exchanged so far. I text him this morning to ask when would be a good time to call – he replied immediately that anytime between 12:30 and 1:30 would be good.  Wow…that’s a good sign.  I am sure he isn’t a desperado at all.  Cue mid-day and I rang about 12:45 (remember I don’t want to seem too desperate) and got his voicemail.  Oh dear…my mind is going in overdrive.  Do I leave a message or do I just ring back…perhaps I should leave a message…what happens if I do and he doesn’t like my voice….I hate making such life changing decisions…dammit!!! So I didn’t leave a message ;-)

2 minutes later the phone rings and I am kinda indisposed (noooo…not dead) but not in a position to answer the phone either.  I finish my shower ;-) and rush to get dressed in case he rings back again and he does.  Wow…he sounded so cute on the phone, we are laughing at the same silly jokes, we both feel totally at ease.  Ahhh this feels pretty good.  Right…reality check girl…you need to ask some sensible questions before this gets too far. So I ask about his work, his aspirations…yes his aspirations.  He says and I quote ‘I want to get married and have kids’.  Suddenly I knew that the conversation had to end pretty quickly.

Ah well, lets hope that I have better luck with the next 6 footer that crosses my path.  Over and out ;-)

NP :-)

Wrong conclusion????


So I have spent the last week or so getting to know Mr Sparks.  We’ve exchanged numbers, regularly text each other every day for the last week and got into a ‘routine’ of exchanging approximately 6 messages a day.  I am not a big fan of routine and sometimes I think that perhaps it is a bad idea to get into that routine too soon.

About 3 days ago, Mr Sparks contacted me; in the interest of fairness I felt it was my turn to contact him the following day.  I sent a nice light message, kinda non descript but still showing concern.  No reply for the whole day.  So I procrastinated about whether I should call, if I called, would I be intruding, would I appear desperate, noo…I can’t call him, he should call me, I don’t want him thinking that I am desperate, should I send a text message instead?…how do I word it,  should the wording be concerned, angry, uncaring?  Wow…sooo many decisions to make about a text message.  Felt like one of the biggest decisions of my life.  I feel that dating rules are so hard to fathom that is is difficult to know what is the right thing to do without making a complete ass of yourself.  So many stupid mind games get in the way of common sense (the 6th sense) that sanity can never prevail.

I know in the past I have made a decision based on someone’s action and it is usually right. I came to the wrong conclusion on this occasion - there had been a genuine reason for his 48 hr silence (apparently).  Yes I have to give him the benefit of doubt – for now.

Guys may feel that silence is the better option if they are not into a woman with whom there seem to be sparks at first. A guy who can be honest and say ‘I am just not that into you’ gets a medal from me everytime – silence is just not the answer ;-) So guys, if you are really not into her, a text message, a phone call or an email is sooo much better than – silence!!!

Over and out

NP :-)