Why…….

Why why why!!! Recently a friend of mine met someone she really liked.  They flirted (as one does) and exchanged text messages, etc…etc…etc.  When I last saw her, I could tell that she liked him.  I was teasing her about meeting someone who had caught her interest.  She has discerning taste in men and I was very pleased that she had met her match.  Roll on a few weeks later, she is no longer in contact with him.  Why I ask, no reason she says.  He suddenly stopped all contact.

Now this has happened to me before and it has left me with a number of questions about men in general. Boy meets girl, boy flirts with girl, boy goes on a date with girl, boy flirts a little bit more with girl, boy asks girl on another date….then silence? WHY???? Why is it so difficult for the male species to be honest.  I know I have said this in a previous blog but I am at a loss as to why men don’t feel they can tell the truth.  I know this is true of my female friends who have been in this situation before – we all want to know why.  I promise that we will not  self destruct or hate you (perhaps hate sounds a tad crazy)  anymore than we do already.

My point is the truth may hurt but we still want to hear it….all of it. I really won’t break (not in front of him anyway) being told the truth.  I get that communication is a huge issue for men  (ok I know I am generalising but you are getting my point I am sure).  I find it intriguing that men (and women sometimes) feel this method of saying ‘It’s over’ is the best way of communicating that this is the end of the road.  Personally, I am impressed by a man with backbone, a man who can be honest and speak his mind.

Ah well, I guess there will always be Mars and Venus mindsets.

Onwards and forwards

NP 🙂

Questions, questions and more questions

There are so many ‘hidden’ ‘unspoken’ rules of dating and finding your way through the mire is confusing at the best of times. It is a wonder that anyone gets together these days despite all the aid available to assist us in our question to find that illusive love.

Well by some amazing fluke, I’ve managed to get to date no. 4 (yes I am still counting).  The date went well (according to me).  We re-hashed…sorry wrong word, we spoke about our previous dates and the fun we’ve had. He told me he fancied me and well…I was kinda speechless.  Its not often that I have nothing to say but I was surprised. Once I got over the initial surprise, we talked about our dreams and expectations.  The date progressed like a dream; you know the kind of date where you hold hands and have that stolen kiss here and there.  He seemed wow’ed (to use his own words) by me.  I guess all those sit-ups and hours on the spin bike was worth it!!!

After what seemed like a dream date, I walked away fairly certain that I definitely wanted to get to know my dream date.  Thinking about it, we actually arranged date no. 5 before we even arrange date no. 4….hhmmm. Who cares!!!  Fantastic I thought.  I was walking on air and so pleased that the date went so well. 

And then my mind went to overdrive after the date. I started to recall some of our conversations.  Something about meeting his mum….wasn’t that too soon?  When is too soon?  I know we’ve only had 4 dates but we have ‘known’ each other for 3 months….hmmmm….4 dates in 3 months??? Suddenly that doesn’t sound so good right?  Either way, it got me thinking about how long is long enough.  When is that first kiss appropriate, when is getting intimate appropriate, meeting the family, going to his place, him coming over to my place, going on holiday together, when is dating no longer dating, when does it move from I want to date you exclusively to being in a relationship, is there actually a difference between the two? I could go on but you get my drift.  My point is I am sure men don’t think in that way (I am assuming guys, correct me if I am wrong).  I guess the female genre from Venus will sometimes think about what is deemed appropriate and I suppose that all depends on how you feel about the guy in question, particularly if is he not ‘short-term’ material.

Is there a right answer to any of those questions?  I don’t think so. Sometimes all you can do is to trust your female intuition.

 

Over and out!!!

NP 🙂

Men are…..

.….from Mars??  At least this is the title of a famous book which talks about the differences between men and women. I know I am stating the obvious but until now, I am not sure how much I believed this.  I’ve been on 3 dates (I promise I am not counting) with a certain gentleman.  It never occurred to me that by date no. 3,  it means that the guy is interested in you and likes you.  In true female style, I didn’t think anything of the 3 dates (nothing significant).  I mean, after all, it was only 3 dates!!!  Actually, if I am picky, date no. 1 was just coffee for an hour so was that a real date?   So actually, date no. 3 was really date no. 2. Hmmm…I digress.

So when said gentleman asked me how I felt  about him, I  was kinda flippant (funny flippant) with my reply.  After all, we had only been on 3 dates (yes I know I am really counting).  I replied that it was great and I hoped that we would see each other again.  The art of communication between men from Mars and women on Venus makes it rather difficult at times to decipher that very communicado.  When I am at the ‘getting to know you’ phase in any ‘relationship’ (I use that term loosely), I try not to make any assumptions about anything.  What you might perceive to be a relationship (from a woman’s point of view), might actually be a casual fling to him.  My point is I have learnt to never make assumptions about anything pertaining to relationships and men.

So, moving on to how he has interpreted the 3 dates (yes I am still counting).  In his eyes, if he has taken a woman out 3 times, he is interested in dating her.  Really?? Sometimes I am curious about the workings of a man’s mind.  To all the guys out there reading my blog, can you please tell me if that’s how it works in Martian land?  I spoke with a couple of my girlfriends about this and they agreed that 3 dates does not maketh a relationship neither is it confirmation that the guy is interested in going on further dates. 

As a goddess from Venus, I guess that has been my problem all along.  I always seem to miss those all important signs where men are concerned.   Even at my prime time of life, I have great difficulty deciphering whether he is interested or not.  In my youth it was even more of a mystery as I could never tell if a guy is interested in me particularly if he is being subtle as subtlety was never my forte. I am the kinda gal that wants a guy to say what means –  in plain English.  Yes the sledgehammer approach works for me every time.

So guys, regardless of the number of dates you’ve been on with a lady.  Just tell her what you mean – in plain English.

Over and out

NP 😉

Does it matter……

.

..if you are black or white?  They say love has no boundaries; or does it?  It is interesting to note that the world we live in today means that potentially we can fall in love with someone hundreds of miles away or just next door. That someone could be from any nationality as long as they’ve made that connection that we are looking for, that’s the most important thing.  

I used to prefer dating men of colour, men from my background, my race.  My thing was that he would understand culturally where I was coming from, we would have the same ideas about life, etc.  I have been in an interracial/mixed race or any other combination of words you care to use to describe the relationship with someone outside of my race.  I vowed after that relationship that I would only ever date a brotha – yes a black man.  Yes I know that sounds rather narrow-minded but don’t we all make those broad sweeping statements after any bad relationship?

Roll forward a few years on;  I have gone on dates with men of different denominations and races.  I hate generalising as I feel we are all unique and bring different qualities to the table.  However, there are some things which I have been encountered while dating men of different races.  For example, why is it when I date a black guy that the first date is always coffee which I inevitably end up paying for?  Why is it when a white guy asks me out, that we always go out to dinner instead of coffee?  I am putting these out there because the approach couldn’t be more different. When a white guy wants to go on a date, it feels like he is asking not demanding?  I could go on but I hope you are getting my point.  

I’m not saying that the opposite hasn’t happened with both races, however inevitably I can guarantee that if I am asked out by a black guy, there will be some sort of complication.  A few years ago, I  remember being ask out by a brotha.  He was tall, broad, very gentle, said all the right words and right things at the time. We followed ‘the protocol’; email, phone and then agreed to meet up at a mutually agreed time.  This is looking good I thought. He booked a lovely restaurant for dinner (unusual I thought but worst things have happened I thought at the time).  Unfortunately, he seemed to have forgotten his wallet at home that particular day. 

Perhaps my aura is attracting the wrong kind of guys…perhaps my aura is attracting white guys.  Who knows!!! However, as I have grown older and wiser, the one thing which has become clear to me is that I don’t care what the colour of  a guy’s skin is. I am open to the possibility of finding love and my concern is about how he will treat me and to have that all important connection with him.  

My search continues….onwards and forwards

NP 🙂

The Voice

There are many things in life that causes a woman and a man to have that ‘wow’ moment.  The moment when your eyes meet and there are sparks.  The sort of sparks that leaves you wanting to know more, see more, want more, experience more.

I spend a fair bit of my time at the gym de-stressing.  Yes I said de-stressing.  I have moments when the gym is the place to let all the emotions of the day dissipate and go on its merry way.  I also have moments when I think perhaps I should use the time in the gym to melt away those pounds but I guess that would require a level of dedication from me.  However, whatever my altruistic reason for visiting the gym is, I can honestly promise it is never to find a potential partner.  In fact, in my female mind, I believe it is the worst possible place for meeting a prospective mate. However, based on some of the material I have read about dating, apparently it is one of the best places to meet a guy – must have been written by a man 😉

Back to the reason for this blog.  As you can imagine, there are all sorts of jaw dropping, muscle ripping, well defined bodies littered in various corners of the gym (hey a girl can admire from a distance).  You name it, tall short, broad, slim well built men everywhere.  Dating a guy who is a gym freak can be a good thing but all I can imagine is him being that voice in my head all the time that would go on about calorie counting, good carbs, burning fat, protein drinks…yes you get the picture.  Now lets get one thing straight, I am not saying that every man in the gym will behave in that manner but I have been in a brief relationship with a gym freak and it was a pleasure to see the back of him – eventually.

So picture this;  at the beginning of the year, I was at the gym, living up to one of my new years resolution when this fine handsome fit young man smiled at me aka Mr Buff.  I acknowledged his smile and moved into gym mode.  Gym mode is when my headset is on max, I’ve warmed up sufficiently and done about 100 stomach crunches – okay maybe not 100 but it feels like it. All my gym buddies will tell you, once I am in gym mode, its like having a ‘do not disturb’ sign on.  Mr Buff seemed to be stalking me.  I say stalking because it is a fairly big gym with lots of equipment and space.  However he always seemed to end up in my vicinity but I am sure it was just a weird coincidence.  Cue the start of my Zumba class; time to shake away some fat off my bootilicious self.  Moving swiftly to the end of my class having shaken my sweaty bootilicious self almost to oblivion,  I start to head to the changing room and could hear this high pitched voice saying hello.  Yes you guessed right, it was Mr Buff.  I’m not sure how to react; was that voice from Mr Buff or was he putting it on?  Wait, should I pretend I didn’t hear him and do one of two things 1) walk off or 2) say ‘Pardon me’.  I decided on the latter.  Yes that voice was speaking again and it was coming from Mr Buff.  Wow, the voice just did not match this big butch handsome guy standing in front of me.  I’ll be honest, I can’t remember what I replied back to him but I remember mumbling something about being in a hurry.

Days later, I was still thinking about ‘the voice’.  Is the way a guy speaks a deal breaker? Do all women think that way?  Is it essential to get that manly voice to feel attracted to him?  Hmmmm…I guess it never occurred to me that this is important to me until that moment.  Either way, I’m am pleased to report (so far), I’ve not seen Mr Buff.  The search goes on….

Over and out

NP 🙂

Vertically challenged!!!

Here I am again after suffering writers block for a number of months.  Christmas seems like a dim distant memory and so does the fireworks of the New Year.  In fact even post V Day angst is settling quietly in the corner of my mind.  

Yes my dating experiences have been piling up and its time to spill it all to the world…ok perhaps not the world but to my faithful readers.  Despite the quiet calm of my blog, much has been going on in my world.  There has been the odd dalliance with the opposite sex there by proving that I am alive and men do find me attractive…ok…well at least worth asking out on a first date. 

Despite how the above paragraph may come across, I am quite capable of choosing who I want to date and when I want to go on a date with the opposite sex.  I have always maintained that I am a picky broad and if I get to the stage where I am sitting opposite another man having a conversation about dating, it is because there was some sort of connection.  This takes me nicely to my first date of 2013.

I am quite discerning in my choice of men and try really hard not to discriminate on the grounds of age, race or religion – anything else has to be negotiated 🙂 It seems that the Christmas and New year period is a popular time for making that connection and trying to sniff out a potential partner according to one of my male friends.  Interesting hmmmm…. anyway, I was contacted by Mr Shortie…..yes I said it….Mr Shortie.  He was sort of 5ft 8 and kinda shrunk to 5ft 7 and I swear he was more like 5ft 6 by the time I met him.  So, this sister tried to get pass the ‘short thing’ and see the brother for what she hoped he was….a nice guy looking for someone special.  Mr Shortie did all the usual stuff, emailed, then exchanged phone no., then called, then called again.  Hey the guy even serenaded me one evening on the phone.  

So we agreed to meet.  Therein lies the issue.  The meeting will always reveal the truth.  As I drove up to our meeting point and waited, I noticed boy racer car pulling up behind me. This should have told me all I needed to know but hey, I am trying really hard to give ‘Shortie’ a chance.  I got out of my car, all 5ft 9″ of me in 3.5″ heels and stood ,….towered over Mr Shortie.  His first comment to me was ‘Why did you have to wear heels?  Really?  Was he being serious?  How about wow…you look nice? I did manage to stomach 60 minutes in his company and hastily made an excuse to end the date with some vagaries about contacting him later.

Now if we go back to one of my previous blogs on my thing about dating tall guys, I can only confirm the stereotype about short men and their egos.  This brother had an ego that definitely over-compensated for his vertical challenges.  

I’d like to think that I am smart/intelligent enough to know that not all short men fit this stereotype but he has definitely gone down in history for me as a Short Ass – yes that is his name on my man phone. 

Over and out

NP 😉

The Outing

A few weeks ago, I decided it was time to get out there and get excited about going on a date again.  I had my first date after my 6 month banishment into celibacy.  It started off with him agreeing to meet me at 6pm.  I said it was a tad early but he said he wanted to spend as much time with me as possible…hmmm. So we agreed via text message (on my man phone) that we should meet at 7pm instead.  At 6:50pm, a text message arrives to tell me that he won’t be available until 8pm.  Considering I was ready and had almost left to meet him,I replied that he should contact me when he leaves or is about to.

I chased him again at 7:40pm and reminded him that if we are meeting at 8pm, could he confirm so I had enough time to make it to our meeting point.  So after all the waiting around, we finally meet at the destination of our choice.

I never have any great expectations from my dates and always like to get things clear like, are we eating or drinking, where we are going (so I can dress appropriately).  We were in agreement that we would have dinner.  When we met, he asked me what did I want to do.  ‘This was definitely an indication to me that this date was going to get worse.  I explained that I thought we had agreed to eat.  We eventually found somewhere to eat and he said he didn’t want to eat anything….by then, I was losing patience but I smiled sweetly and said that as he had kept me waiting for so long, then I feel I deserved an expensive meal with some cocktails.  

During what was a vaguely interesting hour, I struggled to understand why I even agreed to meet him.  I recalled our conversation, where he said he was in awe of me.  How he thoought me agreeing to meet him was a good thing.  He had been looking at my profile for months.  Really??  The word stalker comes to mind – I digress.  He mentioned something about going onto a club for dancing afterwards and I decided to pass as I need to get back home.  

So, having downed some tapas and a half a bottle of Rose Shiraz, we decided to go for a cocktails.  Its amazing how alcohol loosens the tongue.  Wow…his view of women and why they had to wait before they slept with a man and why did there have to be rules about dating…etc…etc…etc.  At one point I looked at him and all the words coming out of his mouth sounded like chinese.  After one drink of coke, I decided to call it a night and he followed me to my car.  No he wasn’t being gentlemanly at all, he wanted me to drop him off to his car about 30 mins away.  Now bearing in mind, I no longer wanted to be in the company of this man, I am not sure what possessed him to even think I would oblige. Seeing as he was not in a hurry to get out of my car, I dropped him off at the bus station.  Five minutes later while I was driving, guess what??? Call from my date, commenting on the fact that he is still trying to get home.  I said there was a taxi rank and he should get a taxi and promptly switched off  my man phone.  Its been off ever since.  

Wow….I am sure there are good men out there – just not on this planet!!!  Time to put this experience behind me…onwards and forwards

NP 🙂

The Big ‘D’ – what happened next

Ah yes….I forgot to follow-up with how that date went.  Well it went – right out of the window.  The date didn’t happen at all.  24 hours before we were due to meet, my date went AWOL.  Silence, nada, nothing, zip!!! I was frustrated and angry.  What is it with men and being honest?  In this age of technology, how hard is it to send a text message to say ‘Sorry I am not interested’ or ‘Sorry you have bored me to death those last few weeks and I have moved on’ or ‘Sorry, I met a rich cougar who can keep me in the style I am accustomed to’ or simply just say ‘Sorry’.  I’m an intelligent mature woman and I would get that…really I would!!!

In a fit of frustration a couple of weeks later (my membership on the dating website was about to expire), I decided I wouldn’t waste precious money sending him a text message.  I sent him a message on the website instead thanking him for his time and the moments we shared.  However, I am glad that things panned out like they did as I don’t date spineless weak men. Within minutes, he contacted me quite angry at first.  However, he explained that he was about to lose his job and had a few serious family issues going on.  I made it clear to him despite all of this, the least I would expect is a simple apology.  The conversation ended on a good note with him apologising about the way he handled things.

I am proud I stood up for what I believed and made it clear that kind of behaviour was not acceptable.  I understand (like I have said in many previous blogs) that I am not everyone’s cup of tea (wonderful british saying) but I do expect to be treated with a modicum of respect.  I am still not on a dating website and I must say it is rather refreshing not having to read through CV’s …errrmmm….sorry profiles…I meant profiles and inane contact from men who can’t even be bothered to say something intelligent about themselves. So with the Lent season fast approaching, who knows what is on the cards!!!  So my first date for 2012 is yet to happen but watch this space 😉

Over and out!!!

NP 🙂

V day angst

Ah yes…the most romantic day (according to ancient folklore) of the year is looming fast.  It is that time of year when us singletons avoid the card shops, the V aisle in the supermarket,the radio, the TV, in fact any place on the planet where the V word is clearly visible.  But how can you miss the V word when at the drop of a hat, the V word is used for potentially any commercial that you can possibly imagine from your local DIY shop to buying a car and booking your summer 2012 holiday.

However, no matter how much I have tried to stay away and steadfastly blinded myself to the fast approaching V day, it has been impossible to escape V day. Today while I was out doing my usual weekend rounds, I could not escape the usual V day stuff  from skimpy and sometimes downright grotesque underwear (obviously not if you are that way inclined), pink champagne bottles, romantic meals for £20.00, every single type of soppy card for every kind of V day situation.

On a slightly different tangent but still in the same vein, this morning on my way to the gym I was listening to my favourite radio station.  The DJ in question was ranting on about women having to make ‘the move’ this year for V day because it is a leap year.  Really???  Interesting concept but I stupidly thought that leap year was the opportunity for a woman to ask a man to marry her….I certainly didn’t think it extended to V day but I digress.

So every year, in an attempt to get over my V day angst, I always purchase a bottle of Tattinger and champagne chocolates.  It must paint a sad picture of me sitting on my own on V day drinking champagne and eating chocolates on my own but I figure, if I haven’t got a man to buy those for me, I will damn well treat myself.  Before I leave, I must share an article I read earlier today about a V day and it seems to be the perfect example of ‘How to get out of V day‘ – not!!!!!  After reading this article,  perhaps it ain’t too bad being on my own after all 🙂

Here’s to all my single girlfriends out there (you know who you are ).  Happy Valentines day!!!

Onwards and forwards.

NP 😉

Koa, Non, Jikai, Ôda, Chox, Hapana……..

Yes…apparently, all the words above mean no.  We have all been in a situation where we’ve met a guy or a girl, perhaps he/she had some redeeming qualities which seemed attractive at the time. Or we were just plain drunk and in the cold light of day, realised that we couldn’t possibly date or have a relationship with said person.

So here comes the awkward part – Rejection and by gosh it is a mother!!!  The word ‘no’ in my part of the world means no.  I am sure it means the same thing in other countries but lets focus on England for now 🙂  The meaning of the word ‘no’ seems to go beyond the comprehension of some of the men I have dated in the past.  Women being of the ‘fairer sex’ perhaps are viewed as finkle.  As a male friend of mine once said, ‘You women change your mind so much, I don’t know whether I am coming or going’.

However, once you have had that perhaps awkward ‘penny drop’ moment and decided that taking things any further could be detrimental to ‘his‘ health and probably yours too, it is time to cut your losses and move on. So forgive me when I fail to comprehend why is it sooo very very difficult for some men to understand that no means no and not  ‘I will change my mind in 24 hrs, days, months, years or nanoseconds’….No actually does mean no.  Any man (or woman) with an inkling of self worth and (of course sane) would accept that once its over, it really is absolutely over.

In the wonderful world of dating, rejection is a mother and sometimes its not so gentle on the ego.  However, we are all adults and when faced with the ‘N’ word, its time to put those grown up panties/pants on and accept that no does mean no. I’ve certainly lost count of the amount of times I have had to say no when trying to extricate myself from a date/relationship/triste gone bad. I guess when you are dealing with a man’s ego, its must be hard to accept that you have been emasculated a little (perhaps).  I am sure likewise (not on a man hating trip), that men are equally faced with the same dilemma.  My point though is that harassing the individual almost to the point of insanity is not the way to ingratiate your way back into their lives.  If anything it has the opposite effect!!!

I’ve been inspired to write this particular blog by a dear friend of mine who has had a tricky time extricating herself from someone who just wouldn’t take no for an answer.  It got me thinking about the time I was faced with a similar situation where this crazy guy who followed and found me on MSN, Facebook, Twitter and any other way that he was able to.  The phone calls and text messages were relentless and didn’t stop until I issued an ultimatum. However, we did get there in the end.

Perhaps its just me but really, no does mean no (in any language) 😉

Over and out!!!

NP 🙂