It’s that time of year when we tend to get in that reflective mood with accompanying thoughts about how we think the year has gone and how we proceed into the New Year.
I know I’ve been quiet for a number of months. Quiet because I’ve been a very busy bee – work, gym and sort of been dating someone. I say sort of because we’ve had our ups and downs like anyone who is trying to work on a relationship. It’s not been an easy road but is any relationship? Back to the subject matter at hand, my main reason for being here is that I find blogging a therapeutic means of exploring my thoughts and feelings about different situations mostly related to dating and relationships. I hope by continuing to share those experiences/feelings that someone somewhere will identify with the trials of the dating world particularly relationships resulting from internet dating.
I feel compelled to touch on a subject which has had me puzzled for a while – I wonder what relationships mean to men in general. I know there are men who are very direct about what they want in a relationship at the outset but they are very few and far in between. Generally my experience has been that men are pretty much indecisive about relationships. There are a number of questions which come to the fore, for example; When are you formally ‘in a relationship’ with your lady? Is it when you have done ‘the deed’ or is it after a number of months? At what point do men want to admit that they are or are not in a relationship? Why is it so hard to define what kind of relationship you would like to have at the outset? In the real world of dating, women really aren’t that complex. If a man declares at the outset that all he wants is a casual relationship where he can see her once a month, at least the woman can make an informed decision as to whether it is the type of relationship she wants to be in. Perhaps it is but at least both parties are on the same page while it serves their purpose to be in that type of relationship.
I’ve touched on this subject as I have been a source of comfort for a dear female friend of mine over the Christmas season (it is the worst time and best time to be in a relationship apparently) and her issue is that she doesn’t know where she stands with the guy she has been dating for 6 months. His work is his life – apparently. Hmmmm….cue alarm bells but I wasn’t about to say this to her as she has to reach this conclusion on her own. A guy who can’t define what he wants from you after ‘dating’ for 6 months is not ready and will never be ready to be in a relationship with you or even another woman for that matter. So what does she know about this guy after 6 months? What he supposedly does for a job and errrrmmm…his name? In short, she knows nothing about him, his life, his family, where he lives…nada…nothing. Their communication has more or less stopped yet she doesn’t feel he is taking her for granted and thinks he needs time. My personal views aren’t relevant here but there are 3 things which would end a relationship for me as they are in no particular order 1) where there is very little or no communication 2) if I am being taken for granted. 3) cheating/lying
I know I have said this in previous blogs and if I haven’t I will say it again, life is too short to spend it doing things you don’t want to do. When you look back on your life 1, 5,10, 20, 30 years from now, is this what you want to remember? Isn’t it about have good moments and good memories to reflect on hopefully with that special someone?
She knows she needs to make a decision soon and I think she will arrive at the right conclusion. My brother said to me, if a man truly wants to be with you and want you in his life, he will move heaven and earth to make it happen. To her and to everyone who is in the same situation, life can be equally as good as a single girl/boy. Here’s to 2014 and making right decision.
NP 🙂
nubianprincess25 